strange how hard it rains now

This weekend was really, quite wonderful. We celebrated my sweet mother-in-law's birthday yesterday (though it's actually today)! And we were able to catch up with some dear friends and their adorable little girl on Saturday. Really! It was just fantastic and I was reminded the entire weekend how blessed I am.

But in the midst of all the wonderfulness, my thoughts kept floating off to a few friends whom I've lost contact with, but know the last few months have been ones of significant and difficult change. And what is really hard is watching it all from afar and feeling completely helpless.

So I've been praying. I've been praying a lot.

And wrestling with some ideas that are just plain hard to accept. I feel really angry and really sad. And really just want to feel peace. The kind that passes all understanding. And want for them to know this peace. To truly and deeply know it.

I've been listening to Patty Griffin like I'm getting paid to. Some say that all you need is love. I say all you need is Patty.

I like when lyrics say the things I can't. I have this romanticized idea of being somebody who can spout off the lyrics to a song at any given moment but especially when there is nothing else you can think of to say. And it comes off very poignantly. Unfortunately, in those moments my memory often fails me and "Baby, you're a fiiiiiiiiiiiiirework!!!" is probably the only lyric my mind can remember.

But not tonight...here are some lyrics that say what I feel and want to say.

It's hard to listen to a hard hard heart...
...it's hard to know when to give up the fight


Strange how hard it rains now
Rows and rows of big dark clouds
When I'm holding on underneath this shroud
Rain

This picture makes me happy, though. Allen took this when he lived in California. 

Friday(ING)

Finding it hard to just focus my mind, sit down, and write this post. It doesn't take that much, Bethany! Just think through all that has happened this week. Go team! Wooo! You can do it! Motivational sayings! Excessive use of exclamation points!!!!!!

Making chocolate chip pancakes last night at 10pm was the best idea I've had in a long time. I forgot to eat supper earlier and after accessing the food situation in the refrigerator and pantry I realized that pancakes were going to be my dinner. And then I found chocolate chips. And then I was real happy. 

Awaiting the arrival of two persons. The first one is my friend, Maggie. She's coming to stay the night so we can eat yummy food and talk about all sorts of things! The second is my niece-who-isn't-really-my-niece-but-is-actually-my-cousin. But basically my niece. More babies!!! Weeeee! 

And this is what it is doing outside of my house. RIGHT MEOW. 

good tuesday morning!

Speaking of mornings...can somebody explain to me the wonder that is Saturday morning? I have always been a morning person. My productivity is at its peak during those hours. If I'm awake. But on Saturday mornings I suddenly decide I want to do ALL THE THINGS and generally feel ridiculously optimistic and ambitious. More so than usual. It mostly results in baked goods/breakfast being prepared. And then the afternoon hits and all optimism and ambition begin to dwindle and all I think about is how bad I want a jamocha shake from Arby's. Like whoa.

And now, because I lack a nice segway, something about something that happened to me once and involved delicious food...

SEGWAY!!!!!

About a year ago I was wandering around a William Sonoma searching for a wedding gift for friends when a nice (though somewhat over-eager) lady approached me and asked if I'd be interested in learning how to make aebleskiver. She pointed over to the counter/kitchen area and said it wouldn't take more than a half hour. I told her I had absolutely no idea what aebleskiver was and as long as I didn't have to pay I would love to make some. Turns out it cost nothing and I learned that aebleskiver is a danish dessert pancake! Those are two beautiful words...dessert and pancake. So yes. Yes, indeed, I was going to help. And by "help" she really just meant standing there making weird conversation while she tried to explain what she was doing. To make a long story short, she eventually placed one of these cute, little (CHERRY FILLED!!) pancakes in my hand with a light dusting of powdered sugar on top of it. And when I put it into my mouth a small part of me died. It was the yummiest thing. But the nice, over-eager lady informed me I would need to buy their specially made pan in order to make them myself. And since I didn't have the money for it, I walked away quite sadly.

I forgot about those delicious things until a few days ago. I thought to myself, "Self! I wonder if Trader Joe's would have something similar to this in their frozen food selection!" So I marched right on over to TJ's and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW!!!!!! They totally do. And while they are very scrumptious, they still don't really compare to the ones I had that first time. But I'm really not going to be one of those people.

So do yourself a favor and get to your local TJ's to pick some up. And grab some maple syrup to toss on those babies while you're at it. Yummers.

And now a photo of the aforementioned treat and some photos of random happenings!

Allen's Valentine's card for me...

best sister

So this is Rebecca and she is my sister. My favorite sister is she. Her birthday was on Valentine's Day! 

We shared a room for 18 years. Can you believe that? Probably. But aren't sisters just the best? I really think so, and if I don't have at least two little girls...well, I'll be sad. 

Happy Birthday, sis! Be thankful I have no embarrassing photos of you on this computer! :)

lovebirds

One time, on the way to an opera, a friend asked if I knew who Allen Gilbert was. Three weeks in to my freshman year of college I had no intentions of having a boyfriend during that first year. Let alone having that boyfriend be the son of chair of the music department, of which I was deeply involved in. I told her no, but decided I would friend him on Facebook because she said he was "so sweet and kind." After that, we did not interact until his birthday in December. While waiting to do some vocal warm-ups for the annual Doane Christmas Festival he came and sat right next to me and asked if I knew one of his close friends. It turns out that I did know this friend.

So after many awkward "group" hang outs. Allen asked me out on a date and on a blizzarding, January evening we ventured to Lincoln for coffee and food. I had the hardest time making eye contact with him because I was so embarrassingly shy. I found out that he really was sweet and kind. And surprisingly forward. He pretty much said, "Look I'd like to exclusively date you. Beginning right now." And I replied, "Yyyyeah. Sure." And then quickly darted my eyes back to my food. 

Our drive home was prolonged by a missed exit on the interstate. So with that extra time he worked up the courage and asked to hold my hand. He asked. That's when I started wigging out. NOPE! He's almost too perfect to be real. This will never work. And once back in my dorm room I told my roommate that I didn't want to date him exclusively. That maybe being friends was the best solution. 

Weeks passed and for some reason I stuck with it. It had so many awkward moments, this relationship. One consisted of Allen coming to my room just as I had gotten out of the shower and was walking down the hall in my robe, towel on my head. BLARG. I'm sure my face was the brightest shade of red that entire conversation. 

Everything changed after our second date. We went to the symphony and to dinner afterwards. And that night, everything seemed easier. The conversation especially. I was still pretty bad about looking him in the eye. But we talked and talked and talked. And I began to feel very strongly for this boy. Within a month, I was totally in love. Sickeningly in love. 

And then he moved to Florida and that was dumb. For a little while, at least. 

We don't go all out for Valentine's Day. I like things simple because I think we are the epitome of simple. I am so thankful for Allen. As often as I can, I thank God for bringing him into my life. And at just the right time. :)

P.S. Happiest of birthdays to my beautiful sister. A post dedicated to her is coming tomorrow or Thursday! 

some news!!!

So I just didn't really get around to Thursday(ING) this week. Blarbit. Sometimes I feel obligated to blog. And Thursday I wanted to rebel and just not do it. Because I could. But today I looked at some photos from last weekend and decided I wanted to share them.

Also, I've got some news! 

Not pregnant. Nope! 

I opened a Society6 shop! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? It means I have some photos available for purchase!!!! How neat is that? I'm still making my way through ALL of my pictures and will continue to post more so keep checking back for new prints. :) If you've got friends looking for some inexpensive wall art....please, send them a link. Thank you very much!

When I'm at home....

And when I say home...I mean my childhood home. Which is where I happen to be. That's kind of redundant. BUT maybe that's what I'm like when I'm home??? Question mark. I don't know.

What I do know is this...

The Giants won the Super Bowl. Yippie. Though, it should always be the Packers that win any bowls of every kind. Yep yep!

My mother and I ditched the Super Bowl early to watch Downton Abbey. Season numero dos is crazy good. Anybody else watching?

I kind of liked Madonna's performance. This thought alone, continues to weird me out. Because I am just not the kind of girl who enjoys Madonna. Ever. And I'm not really sure what kind of a girl that makes me. But apparently it is THAT ONE.

It snowed a lot around these parts yesterday. And it was too foggy to drive home this evening so we are still here.

Whilst using my mother's computer I came upon some wedding photos that I hadn't seen in a long time. I also realized that I don't think I ever posted wedding photos on the ol' blog. So here are a few favorites of mine. Three and a half years sure doesn't seem that long ago when I look at these!

Thursday(ING)

Hoping I am able to make it back home for a baby shower this weekend. After three or four days with temperatures above or around 60 degrees, I was unsure as to whether or not we still lived in Florida. But alas, in true Nebraska fashion, a snowstorm is hurdling toward us, bringing the winter we've been so blessed to have missed out on until now.

Drinking coffee, eating cookies, and talking this morning with some new friends. Just what I needed.

Wearing gloves while typing this because my hands are always cold. I know we, as females, are usually cold most all the time. But seriously. It just gets annoying. Each night when I crawl into bed I cannot fall asleep if my toes are cold. This requires me to get out of bed, stumble over to the dresser, find socks, and put them on my feet. I fall asleep and wake up at 2 am in a sweat. What gives?

ALSO, putting up with an eye twitch that WILL NOT GO AWAY. Two weeks now, people. TWO! I get plenty of sleep. I am not stressed out. What the heck, body?

Wishing my dear father-in-law a happy birthday!

Also, wishing Tristan a happy birthday! Tristan and I share a very strong, passionate love for Friends. I posted this video on her Facebook wall and decided it needed to be posted here. One of my most very favorite moments from the show.